Finding out

I realized that I might want to have this down on "paper" someday, so I figure I'll share the story of how B and I found out Baby A was on the way:

I was convinced that my period was on the way, and was losing hope that this would be "the month." We went about our normal routine - checked out a new local brewery, attended a 1-year-old's birthday, etc. And then Thursday Jan 21, 2010 rolled around. I realized that I was getting close to "late" and figured, "why not test?" I did the whole pee-on-a-stick routine and jumped in the shower confident that when I exited, I'd see just one little sad line. However, when I glanced at the pee-stick I saw two very visible lines. I did a little happy dance by myself in the bathroom and thought of how I was going to tell B. My excitement took over any creative juice I might have had flowing, so I simply exited the bathroom - towel-clad - and asked him:
"so...??? what do you think?" (insert big goofy grin on my face)
B: "Um..yes?"
M: "Yea!!"
B: "Really??" (insert look of disbelief mixed with terror mixed with excitement)
M: "Yup!"

And then I proceeded to get dressed for work, all the while doing a little happy dance. After giving me a hug and a few more words of excitement, B left for work in what I took to be still a state of shocked excitement.

I think B and I have reacted to this news much like we do any other big news - I have a significant, immediate, emotional reaction and B responds quietly, internally at first, and over time reveals his emotions. Every day he gets more and more excited - I can see it.

Just the other day, when he didn't know I was looking, I caught him drinking his cup of coffee, staring at our most recent ultrasound pic of Baby A. The thought of that moment warms my heart. We just keep falling in love.

Morning

I'm sitting here in the quiet of morning, watching the sun rise over the Long Island Sound. And I can't help but think two things:
1. How peaceful and serene and beautiful - the stillness before the day begins, a day ripe with possibility. A life to be lived.
2. In 6 months, will I be able to appreciate a sunrise despite the utter exhaustion that I'm sure I'll be experiencing?

It's hard to admit that I'm equal parts excited and terrified.

Dear baby A

I've been wondering a lot lately.
I wonder if you'll have your dad's eyelashes.
I wonder if you'll stay out past your curfew.
I wonder what will make you laugh for the first time.
I wonder what it will be like to watch you graduate high school.
I wonder when your heart will break for the first, and I wonder if I'll be able to comfort you. I wonder if my heart will break a little too.
I wonder how you'll ever know how much I love you. (I wonder if it will be when you have a child of your own.)

Love,
Your mom