Odd serenity

I'm laying face up in bed, a dull headache (lack of sleep?) pulses at my temples. I throw my arm across half my face covering my right eye. I hear your quick, shallow breathing - rhythmic and comforting; the humidifier gurgles. A (un)expected police siren blares on the street below us. The noises of the city do not disturb the odd serenity of our bedroom.

I debate whether to roll myself out of bed. Do I dare move a muscle and risk disturbing you? It's not that I don't want to see you first thing in the morning; it's that I haven't had a morning where I've waken up on my own in months. It's that to creep out of bed, across the room, and out the door would mean risking disturbing the odd serenity in your crib.

After a few minutes I decide to lightly pad, feet in fluffy white slippers, out the door. I have no idea when you'll wake, what today will bring. And so the these first few moments, before you break open the day, are quiet and ripe with anticipation and oddly serene.

When there are no words

Just when I'm ready to throw in the towel,
bury my head in the sand,
raise the white flag
in concession to this tiny, 12-ish pound human,
he goes and does something unbelievably cute to make me reconsider.

First? It was the smiling. Then? He found his hands (and more recently, his feet).

Today? I made him laugh.

And all the sleepless nights, and all the crying, and all the poopy diapers, and all the questioning of myself is instantly all worth it.

He laughed. And, heck, I did too. Because sometimes life is funny and gives you just what you need when you need it.

Firsts

It has been a very long time since I last posted. Being a mom is hectic people!!

Ok, really - honest?

I've been overwhelmed for the past month or so. I think it has been a mix of the holidays, traveling, adjusting to (stay-at-home) motherhood, lack of sleep (oh yeah, I'm still using this excuse - ahem, see picture for evidence of said exhaustion), and shorter days. But also, I've been overwhelmed with the many firsts of Teddy's short life thus far. Here is a short list of some of the awesome firsts (some of which will be the subject of other posts, I'm sure):

1. Discovering his feet for the first time ("seriously?? Those things are attached? I can move them?!")
2. Airplane ride (oh yes, we did pay $3 for his first wings because no child should be without them)
3. Laugh
4. Trip to the ocean (although we couldn't quite get his little toes in the ocean)
5. Christmas
6. Blizzard


There are just as many firsts for B and I (first time I nursed in public [on an airplane, no less], first time B has had more than a few days at time straight with Teddy since his birth). I know that this whole first year is filled with "firsts," but I'm finding these most recent ones a bit exhausting!

I'm hoping a few days rest and a few cups of coffee will do the trick for me and my little family.

Murphy's Law of Parenting

You will find a pair of jeans that you can squeeze into despite the extra 5lbs that you still need to lose.

You will bundle yourself up, and your infant, only to realize that he needs a diaper change and you haven't brushed your teeth yet.

You will change his diaper and brush your teeth...and re-bundle both bodies up.

You will fight the December wind getting to the car with said infant.

You will start the car and said infant will start screaming bloody murder for no apparent reason.

You will drive to the store hoping the car ride lulls him peacefully to sleep. You will hit every red light.

You will park, and attempt to exit the vehicle with said infant still screaming.

You will decide to give in, and return home.

You will park at home, open the door to retrieve the stroller, and nearly get your head taken off by your vehicle's rear door (due to above said wind).

You will open the side door to retrieve said infant only to realize he has finally closed his eyes and is sleeping peacefully.

Dear Teddy,

Happy 2 month birthday little man! This picture-letter will update you on the highlights of what has been your second month as an outside-baby.

Life has been busy with you, and you seem to be taking in more and more everyday. Sometimes it's enough to make you just pass out with exhaustion.
You've officially discovered your hands and have started to deliberately bring them to your mouth. You are getting more accurate by the day.
Although this picture may suggest otherwise, you are still not a huge fan of "tummy time."
You would much prefer sitting on our laps and staring at our handsome mugs.
People keep commenting on how small you are, but to me you've gotten so big! Check out this awesome double chin you sport from time to time:

This month also included your first big adventure. We took you on the road to visit your Grandma Jan and Papa Bob for Thanksgiving. You were a great little traveler!
While there, you met your cousin Emily for the first time. She liked your chiny-chin-chin too.
The trip also included a visit to your Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa's farm in Portland, NY for the wedding of Daddy's cousin Janine. I dare say you stole the show with your handsomeness. (Check out those awesome dragon booties you got as a present from Daddy's cousins Nick and Audrey!)
However, without a doubt the best part of this whole month, little goober? The smiles!!! The genuine, I'm-feeling-happy-because-you-did-something-funny, smiles. The smiles are what makes me not get mad when I discover poop on my jeans after changing you. The smiles are what erase the frustration when it's 3am and you are awake in your crib wanting to play (and then just glance up at me with one of those handsome little smiles as if you're thinking "oh hey Mom! Let's play with Mrs. Cow again!"). Your smile melts my heart every single time, as if I've never seen you smile before that instant. I hope you never go a day without smiling.

I haven't gone a day without smiling for exactly 2 months now.
Love,
Mom