Thankful Thursday

For friends who know just what to say

For feeling rested

For puddles

For watermelon

For cool breezes

Dear Baby a,

We got to see you a few days ago, in full profile. Your little heart beating away and your little arms and legs waving around. I instantly fell in love. It's not that I didn't love you before, but you became a full little baby in between the last time I saw you and this time.

You have little feet and hands and a nose and spine. You are only about 6 cm long, but you are whole. Wholly loved, wholly ours. And we couldn't be more excited about you.

I couldn't sleep on my belly for the first time that night. It was just one more reminder that you are. You are growing, I am growing. We are all changing. You will make me a new mother; us, a new family. Actually, you already have.

Love,
Mom

Thankful Thursday

For date nights

For sweet potatoes

For parks

For hard decisions

For stretchy dresses

Overheard

Teddy (counting): 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, Teddy-teen!

The hilarious toddler speech is already beginning. I love it.

Simply

I dropped you off at daycare today. There was nothing unusual about our morning (except the emergency trip to the grocery store because we ran out of milk). There was nothing unusual about getting you out of the car and walking, hand in hand, into the building. You always try to open the heavy front (locked) door and today was no different. As we wandered towards your classroom, I'm sure I was thinking about the clients I would see today and how I didn't want to fall asleep on the train ride into the city.

Our routine was just that, routine. So you clung to me for a minute or so while I updated your teacher on our morning. And then just like that, you were off. Your little friends practicing their jumps, which you have yet to master. You tip-toe ran, like you always do these days, over to the little red couch that is your perfect size. Actually, it's the perfect size for two little toddlers. And so you and a friend sat next to each other yelling out colors as your teacher held up flashcards.

It is always in moments like this, days like these that realizations strike me. I stood there for a moment and a thought so mundane struck me. "Look at how well everyone gets along," I thought. There was no exclusion, no little boy telling you that seat next to him wasn't for you. Just acceptance. Just welcome. Just little people learning colors and jumping and how to eat with forks.

Having you in my life reminds me, when I absolutely need it the most, about what really matters. About how simple our lives begin and how complicated we can make them.

I dreamed you first
But not so real
And everyday since I've found you
Such moments we steal
Like little thieves, we rub our hands
We hold our hearts between them.
But will you hear me and know?

I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.
~ The Weepies, Simple Life

Thankful Thursday

For chai lattes

For conversations with toddlers

For writers block

For days that include a nap

For ordering in

20 Months & Things

1. Oh the vocabulary! Period.
2. You can identify all the letters of the alphabet, but stubble over N and G most often.
3. You are almost counting to three.
4. One day after our typical "broom"ing task, you kept saying "tail, momma, tail!" it took me about five minutes and watching you trip over the broom three times to realize that you wanted to put the brooms between our legs and pretend we had tails.
5. Playing night-night is a new fave (which involves laying down on the floor or couch or wherever and saying "night night" over and over).
6. We have returned to the phase of pointing and asking "That? That?" about ever.y.th.in.g.
 7. Sharing toys at the library is becoming increasingly hard for you.
8. Your hugs are the best.
9. You are now eating apple slices and grapes. Small miracles in my book.
 10. Your favorite songs are "Wheels on the Bus" and "Mary had a Little Lamb."

Little a

Dear Baby a,
I'm not sure quite where to start this, my first letter to you. I've written so much to, and about, your brother; it feels a little awkward to begin writing to you. You, who is so unknown and new and precious.

You were our little secret for almost three weeks. Then we - mom, dad, and brother - saw the first beats of your heart and we began sharing you with those closest to us. But even now that you are beginning to be celebrated and welcomed and rejoiced over, I find myself anxious. (You, like your brother, will come to know this side of me quite well.)

The anxiety is similar to when I was pregnant with your brother - I know that your safety is out of my control. There is nothing I can do to ensure absolute health, which is what my one wish is for you today. Pregnancy is a weird thing and carries with it a false sense of security and control. There is part of me that thinks I control my body, of which you are so linked right now. But I know better. I know how precious you are. I know, with my whole heart, what a gift you are.

And so I hope that when you realize that I didn't tell anyone about you for almost a month, it wasn't out of lack of excitement or forgetfulness or fear. It was out of true joy and pure gratitude that you are.

Love,
 Mom