Laboring

This past Sunday B and I attended the Childbirth Preparation class at the hospital. It was filled with info and made Baby A's impending arrival even more real for both of us. It got me (and I think B too) thinking pretty seriously about how I'm going to get Baby A out - what do I want to have happen and what do I want to avoid.

Before the class, I assumed I would get an epidural. It seemed like the most common way to give birth and most people I know who have given birth have had one. I think I just assumed that if most women can't stand the pain then neither can I; and I had expected this class to reinforce my sense that I'd get an epidural no matter what.

However, as we learned about different pain reduction options, as well as about how the process can look "naturally" (or without any meds - and I put that in quotes because in my mind giving birth is natural regardless of whether or not meds are used), I got to thinking that med-free really might be a goal to strive towards. The biggest motivator for me not having an epidural is that I wouldn't be confined to the bed. I really like the idea of being able to move around during labor, to change positions, to be on my hands and knees, to walk if I feel up to it, or to sit in the shower if I want. All of this will continue to allow gravity to help move Baby A down and out. Once I get the epi, I'm hooked up to monitors and horizontal until Baby A makes his grand entrance.

This realization, though, of wanting to try to labor as long as possible without pain meds, is scary to me. I feel unprepared to handle what I know is indescribable pain - I have doubts that I'll be able to do it. I've ordered some books from the library related to med-free childbirth and will start reading those asap. I just wish I didn't doubt myself so much.

I want to remain flexible in my ideal birth plan - to allow myself to give birth in whatever way feels the best to me at the moment and will result in a healthy Baby A - but I also don't want my self-doubt to determine how I go about doing this whole labor-birth thing.

I have a feeling that the labor and birth, and the likelihood that I am able to give birth sans-meds, will have just as much to do with my mental ability to push as my physical ability to push. I know that my body is designed to give birth to Baby A, but is my mind?