Are you ever not a "new" parent?

It feels like we've I've been "celebrating" Teddy's birthday for over a week now. It is definitely unintentional. Every once in a while, throughout my day, I find myself thinking "wow, a whole year!" Or I'll find that I'm scrolling through the month-by-month pictures. Or I'll think back to how "one year ago today we were ____" (just leaving the hospital, still trying that whole breastfeeding thing, hoping he'd drink 2oz of milk, wondering what his laugh would sound like).

I feel much more than one year older. Teddy feels a whole lifetime older to me too. A year ago we were fumbling through diaper changes and burping, and today we're discussing discipline and ditching the bottle. Also, I've had a number people in my life recently have babies or announce their pregnancies. And I think to where they are now, where I was just one year ago. All the unknowns seemed so overwhelming. And then? You figure it out. You get the diaper changes down to a science. You don't live with burp clothes on your shoulder. You kid yourself into thinking "I got this!"

In many ways, I feel like I am right there again - the unknowns feel overwhelming at times. I read the pregnancy books and the "what to expect the first year" books. But now? Now I have to think about what kind of parent I really want to be. Now the rubber really meets the road. How will I discipline him? How will I teach him to share? How will I get him to drink from a cup? This may sound silly, but all of a sudden I feel those new-mom jitters all over again. And they feel just as scary. I just got this schedule thing down and can reliably predict that he'll sleep from 8pm-5am or so, and now I'm supposed to feed him all real meals and teach him how to talk? 

It may as well be Oct 3, 2010.