On growing up together

 When I was pregnant I remember many people telling me to enjoy eating a meal start-to-finish with both hands. Just wait until you have that little baby interrupting all your meals, they all said, then things get interesting. So I did. I enjoyed my quiet meals with baby-free arms. And then you came and then I learned how to feed two people at once. Sure it was messy at times, but plates and faces and chairs clean up nice with a wet sponge.

When you were just born I remember being oh-so-grateful for your lack of mobility. Just wait until he's crawling, they all said, then things will really get interesting. Well you know what? They did get interesting! Everyday you craved more and more time to explore. So I explored with you (while deftly removing the suddenly life-threatening hardcover books from the shelf above your head).

When you were just crawling I remember being oh-so-grateful that you could still be contained by a stroller when we were out. You would sit happily for at least a few hours as new faces passed you by (or stopped to tell you how cute you were). Just wait until he's walking, they all said, then things will get even more interesting. And you know? You started walking and things did get more interesting. You no longer were happy just riding in the stroller. You. Wanted. Out. You had places to go and feet to use. So we taught you to hold our hand and off we went. It wasn't always the direction we had wanted to go, but somehow we found our way.

Now I am hearing that when you grow up you will ignore me and think I'm stupid and stomp on my heart. And while I'm in no place to say if this will occur or not or to what degree, I find myself with the familiar demands to ENJOY THIS STAGE because the next one will do you in. I can imagine that the next stage and the next stage after that will all pose similar challenges for both of us. You will see things your way, with fresh eyes and a fearless heart. I will see things my way, with 28 years more wisdom and a mother's heart.

But what I've learned so far is that the rewards of being your mother and figuring this out and letting you teach me and being open to the possibility that this may hurt (you. me. both of us.) far outweigh the costs. But let this be known today and everyday forward: I do not enjoy you today out of fear of tomorrow.

I enjoy you today, at this point we're at together, because it is all we have. Maybe you'll throw your cup at me or maybe you'll give me a hug and say Mama. Either way I'll take it for what it is. Another point on our journey of growing up.