Dear Baby a,

I woke the other night out of a dead sleep, chilled to my bones, breathless. The nightmare echoed in my head, behind my eyes. It was about you, little girl. It was a fear-filled, vivd nightmare about some of the most horrible things that could happen to a little girl.

So I laid awake for a while and let the fear of all the nastiness and ugliness in the world just sit beside me. The nastiness chided me, "how will you ever protect that innocent little girl from my horror?" "You know you will not be able to be with her every second of every day." "You have heard, firsthand in confidential rooms, countless stories of horror upon horror."

I was blindsided by the differences of what it will mean to be a mother to a daughter and a son. But as the nastiness sat there, cackling at my mother's heart, I found new strength. I became even more aware of all the things I want to see you learn, as a girl and a woman.

How to be proud of your femininity. How it is a sign of strength, not weakness. How you can be powerful and gentle. How to be resilient.

How to speak to any nastiness that sits by your bed in the darkest hours. And how to find rest.

Love,
Mom