Random thoughts on being critical

Children need models more than they need critics.

 JOSEPH JOUBERT, Pensées

Remembering that children benefit from hearing "yes" (or praise or positive encouragement) more often than they hear "no" is easy. The ability to make that happen on any given day? Not so easy. In an effort not to dwell on my own shortcomings, maybe I should also try to catch myself doing this parenting thing well just as often as I catch myself responding in a way I wish I hadn't. Because really, don't we all need models more than critics (including those that eat away at us internally)?

17 Months & Things

1. You had your first real illness this month. I now understand the phenomenon of "sick cuddles."
2. Your love of wheels continues, but now is more focused on trucks. Backhoes and crane trucks and concrete mixers, oh my!
3. There are some gnarly looking bumps on your gums - more teeth are in your future.
4. Coloring (and "cayons") is a new fave activity; as is dumping all the "cayons" out of their container.
5. You say "thank you" (which sounds like "take you" or sometimes "thnkyou") after I hand you a book you are wanting or your milk from the fridge or the waffle from the toaster. You know, the important things.
6. You usually scream when we have to end bath time.

Xylophone call

7. Elmo is a new favorite as well. You call him "momo" or sometimes "mama." I take offense only when I'm having a bad hair day.
8. I can tell full-on tantrums are just around the corner - the other day (after leaving the library - oh! the! horror!) you mastered the stiff-back-straight-legs-I-will-not-sit-in-this-carseat maneuver that I've heard is a toddler tantrum weapon.
9. Also? You are starting to not want to hold my hand while in the street, parking lots, or other public places. Oh your growing independence! Oh my soon-to-be greying hair!
10. You are fun to be around. No, really! You give me such a perfect excuse to run around the house screaming.
11. You are loving nursery rhymes and short songs and are starting to imitate my movements to these songs. It's pretty funny to see you wag your little finger as I say "And the doctor said, 'No more monkeys jumping on the bed!'"
12. Sometimes, usually when we need it the most, you will catch my eye and slowly smile your devilishly handsome smile (that I know you got from your father). And I will laugh, and you will too. And it makes whatever is happening a bit more palatable.
13. You love feeding me whatever you are eating, as well as my morning oatmeal.

14. We spend a good portion of our days reading books or driving cars and trucks around on the ground.
15. Most days you insist on sweeping. "Boom! Boom!" you say, and point to the closet where two brooms are kept. You are not content to just sweep by yourself while I relax on the couch. Oh no, you want me sweeping too. Our floors are pretty clean these days.
16. Dance parties are a regular occurrence. You do this awesome spin move where you hold your hand over your head ballerina-style. It cracks me up.
17. You really want to jump, but your feet have not left the ground yet. But they will, little one. One day you will jump high and run far and love deeply. And I will keep cheering you on.

Thankful Thursday

For deep breaths

For 9%

For brooms

For breaks

For bedtimes

This had been on repeat since the weekend...

Seriously what did parents do before YouTube?

For such a short time

To the one whose heart I never heard,

For such a short time we shared flesh and cells. For such a short time you were hope and new and ours. I never got to hear your heartbeat, never got to love you like I wanted. It was such a short time.

I don't think about you as often as I thought I might. But every once in a while your memory surprises me. Sometimes I think about you while sitting on a plastic train seat with the river rushing by, the anonymity of a Grand Central sea brings me closer to you somehow. Sometimes your memory surprises me while I lay in a dim room trying to heal a body that I at once loathe and love - both because they knew you, carried you. For such a short time.

Sometimes I think about how big you would be now. How many of your heartbeats would have already echoed in my body. Instead, silence takes up residence. But for a short time you were there. And you were loved. And you are missed. 

Forgive me if I think of you too often or too little. It's hard to know how to remember you, and I'm doing it the only way I can imagine. So I share you here, in a space that I have tried to fill with honesty and love and growth. All things we too shared. For such a short time.

Love,
Mom

Thankful Thursday

For chocolate

For handprints

For homemade playdough

For soup

For weekend trips

16 Months & Things

1. I thought last month was a vocab explosion! Holy heck, at this point you will repeat (or attempt to repeat) most of what we ask you to say (that is, of course, if you are feeling like doing it).
2. New words said/attempted:  little, dump truck, helicopter, thank you, please, cooking, mac and cheese, meatball, bye-bye, uh-oh, love you, bubbles, book, boy, girl
3. Sometimes, you find some little seed of energy way down deep in that little toe of yours and proceed to use it up by running back and forth in our living room while simultaneously yelling. (Most times) I find it obscenely cute. (I've also been known to join you from time to time.)

4. You will sign and speak "please" now. Again, I find this obscenely cute and have, up to this point, always given you what you asked for. This smells like trouble from miles away.
5. At the doctor's visit a few weeks ago you were officially 26lbs 11oz and 33" tall. Most people think you are like 2. It's bringing me back to my whole childhood ("oh wow, you look so much older than _ years").

6. You give Dada and I (and sometimes Molly) kisses. (see above re: obscene cuteness)
7.  Making this list reminds me of all the awesome things about getting to be your mom, which is helpful when you decide to deprive me of sleep and I'm struggling to remember that this is all worth it.
8.  You can do puzzles now!

9. You took your first sled ride this month after winter finally arrived. You seemed to enjoy it, although I'm not sure if it was the sled or the fact that I looked like a huffing and puffing lunatic as I dragged the sled up the hill.
10. You were not, however, too keen on tasting snow. In the long run this avoidance will likely do you more good than harm.
11. Animal sounds you have mastered: chicken, dog, cat, cow.

12. Most of the time you attempt to get food to your mouth with a fork you succeed. That is, unless you are trying to eat Cheerios with said fork. In that case the probability of food in mouth is approximately 0.3%.
13. Your hugs make everyday better.
14. One of your bath toys is a xylophone. When I told you this the other day, you promptly picked it up and held it to your ear like a phone. 
15.You can point to your hair/head, ear, nose, chin, belly, toes, and knees (as well as other people's). When I ask you where your eyes are, you simply roll them at me.
16. You share this day with your Grandma Jan - Happy birthday Grandma Jan!