Teddy is now 5.5weeks old and I'm finally having flashes of feeling like his mom. This is something that is so hard to describe - both the not feeling like his mom and the blossoming motherhood feeling. Can I blame the former on sleep deprivation? (I think that I can still get away with that excuse for a few more weeks, so I'll milk it for all it's worth.)
The truth is what everyone says about becoming a parent is true: it is the hardest thing, the most rewarding thing, and something that can sometimes take time to develop. I never had moments of not loving Teddy or looking at him and not feeling connected. But I think my rational mind is still finding it hard to believe that he's mine. That B and I created this tiny little human. That he is not on loan to us from some relative or friend for a few weeks. These realizations are both exhilarating and terrifying.
But today? Today I've been having moments of feeling like Teddy's mom. It's in the way I can now maneuver the car seat and stroller in and out of my car in less than 5 minutes; it's in the way Teddy glances at me and there is a spark of recognition or (if I'm really lucky) a smile; it's in the pride I feel every time someone new tells me how stinkin' cute my kid is (because, really, have you seen him lately?? C.U.T.E.).
Today I feel like Teddy's mom. Tomorrow I may go back to feeling like a babysitter or a giant boob. But today I am mom.
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