Dear Teddy

Happy 4 month birthday, little man! I can't believe it has been 4 whole months that you've been an outside baby. This month has brought so many fun developments - you laugh and giggle every day now; you screech like it's the only noise you can make; you prefer to be upright, either sitting or standing; you are enthralled with watching Dad and I eat and drink; you can finally reach your toes and have tickled your own feet a few times; you bring everything directly to your mouth. In short, you are a bonafide baby now, exploring your world with all senses and testing out lots of new skills.


This month has been busy for our little family, as well. I was offered a job, but decided not to take it. There were a few reasons, including my desire to continue to be with you all day. We're getting into a little groove, you and I, and I wasn't ready to shake that up yet. Also, Dad and I are looking into buying a house for you and any future siblings. It has been a stressful process so far, but it has got me thinking about what home means.

I found myself laying in bed the other night (or was it the morning?) thinking about house showings and list prices and taxes and square footage. And I imagined our little family in all these different spaces - how would it feel to live in that 3-story light blue house with the pool? or the stone-clad ranch with the attic playroom? Which one would most be our home?


I was overcome with a funny feeling I've read about before. Dad was sleeping soundly next to me and you were steps away in your crib, and I felt at home already. "Home is where the heart is," the famous sentiment goes. My heart is with Dad and with you, and so I am always home when the three of us are together. The four walls we end up buying? I'm sure they will matter to some degree - they will contain future Christmas mornings and birthday parties and lazy Sunday cook-outs.

But this, the 4th month of your life, I've finally learned a most important lesson: Love makes a house a home. With so much love between the three of us, any four walls will do. (As long as there is a functional bathroom and a small patch of grass for you to play in the mud.)

Love,
Mom

Thankful Thursday

For blue skies and sunshine

For fresh ravioli

For vodka-tonics

For napping babies

For sweatpants

(in no particular order)

Laughs

Is this not the best sound in the world? I fall in love with every giggle.

You know you're a Mom when...

You end a phone conversation with "Ahhh I just got drool in my mouth!"

Just thought I'd share.

Next thing to share? Baby A's first video post - of Baby A/Teddy laughing nonetheless! Wait for it...

This is my New Year's Eve

January 1 usually means people are talking about weight loss and resolutions and "really meaning it" this year. For me? A different date now signifies the day everything changed. On January 21 I woke up to a new year, a new life, a new adventure, a new marriage, a new me.

This year has been full of change. From a tiny cluster of cells came my little Teddy boy. Perfect in his own way.

This year has been full of adventure. Being a parent is nothing less, I'm realizing everyday. Full of wide open spaces and uncharted waters, creating a new life is one journey. The longer journey? Learning how to be the person you want this new life to know.

This year has changed my marriage to B. There aren't words to describe what it means to look at another person and know that only you and he could create the tiny human sleeping soundly on his chest.

This year has changed me. Having Teddy has changed me. I carried his heart; it still dumbfounds me. And because of him, I am both new and old, young and weathered.

A year ago, I was on the cusp of all this, blind to what lay ahead. And so another year begins.

Tea Time

Today is one of those days. The bank messed up the deposit. The baby screamed a few minutes too long. The dishes won't empty themselves from the dishwasher. The disorganization leaves me pacing through 900 square feet to find a few pieces of paper.

A phone call here. An email there.

And then I realize that I haven't drank anything since breakfast. Some days just get away from us, true. But before Teddy? Never would I go a whole day without drinking anything!

So I sit down with a cup of tea, drinking in every silent naptime moment. I feel the tension in my back that I hadn't even had time to notice. But it's a welcome realization - I have awareness of myself again.

How will I ever teach Teddy balance in his life if I don't practice it myself?

So I sit with a cup of tea. And the phone rings and the email is left unread. The dishes? What is so wrong with pulling them straight out of the dishwasher to the dinner table tonight, I wonder.

Not a damn thing.

A Follow up to Staring

I could not have said it better.
About breastfeeding decisions.
About friendship.
http://becomingsarah.com/index.php?/becoming_sarah/comments/lactation_i_respect_your_choice/